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Gan Yer Dinger

by Cheery Odin

supported by
Brian Doig
Brian Doig thumbnail
Brian Doig If it was a musical cocktail, I reckon it would be ..

3 parts Ivor Cutler
2 parts Spike Milligan
2 parts Saint Andrew
1 part Michael Marra

Now that's a potent mix!

A richt guid tribute tae oor mither tongue!

Gallus and braw in equal measure. Favorite track: Deh Ca' Mei Nutty.
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1.
Gied A Bash 01:52
Hev ee ever stopped teh wonder or ponder if ee should? Teh jist imagine “could ah maybe dae’d - an’ dae’d real guid? When ah’d ask ma faither teh see what hei might hink, He’d aye say guid a bash, son, an feenish wi’ a wink! Wud ee gie’d a bash, wud ee gie’d a bash, Wud ee gie’d a gie’d a, gie’d a bash, Wud ee gie’d a bash, wud ee gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a ah’d gie’d a bash Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a gie’d a gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a ah’d gie’d a bash Wud ee gie’d a bash, wud ee gie’d a bash, Wud ee gie’d a gie’d a, gie’d a bash, Wud ee gie’d a bash, wud ee gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a ah’d gie’d a bash Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a gie’d a gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a bash, Ah’d gie’d a ah’d gie’d a bash
2.
Findisapoke 03:25
Findisa poke o' Roond Close tablet, Scrapeit trays so there's nae waste, Findisa Fuddie Harrow pie Or a tub o' Hill's Meat Paste Find is somehin' that's guid teh eat Jist like it yince was made Goosegog jam frae the jeely pan, Or some o' Tamson's leemonade ? Brisket birselt in the pan, cauld drippin’ on a piece, Rolls frae the "Store" when it was gan, Sugar Ally - aliquorish? Contentit Pale Ale-flavoured burps Buttered breed wi’ sugar, Javaro Orange - grand big slurps As ee gan up The Dunk wi’ yer dooker Hepworth’s mirror – Harry the star Yeh leg an’ nae need tae puul ee Felt like heeven in the High Level Bar Big roarin’ fire thenks teh Wullie A Nanna Hardy Penny Chew Sugared rhubarb fresh frae the grund, eh? An a' the games thit oo yince knew, Kep A Gush right at the cundy Cockerossie, Kick The Can, Playin’ Cheggies in the street Chalkin’ oot beds on pavey slabs Teh dance through wi’ light feet Kissy-Catchy wi’ the girls, Hoppy Jooky tae off’ tae the bushes for some thrills, Hide ‘n’ Seek ‘n’ Sides Away A game o’ quoits on Seterday, Pitch and toss up The Mare, Truth, dare, double dare, promise or command, Ah aye went for the dare!
3.
Deh ca’mei nutty or say that ah ca’ hink Ah might hev daft ideas and sometimes take a drink; But deh say that ah’m loopy or gone right roond the twist, Ah’m a dimwit or a dunderhead or needin’ a slapped wrist Deh say ah’m a numpty, heid thick as a brick wa’ No’ the fuull shillin’ or jist a heid the ba’ Ah’m nae nincompoop, mei, nae screw loose up on top, Ah’ hev my wits aboot is, nae deedlieweg, fuull stop! Deh ca’ mei a fruitcake, altho’ I like ma buns, Deh say that ah’m a crackpot ‘cos I come away wi’ puns, Ah ken what a bampot is, an ah’m no yin o’ thame, Some folk might be a’ wired wrong, but ah’m set for the game So deh say ah’m a nutter, that ah’m stippit, a galoot, Away wi’ the fairies, roond the bend or jist aboot, Ah’m nae brush that’s a daft yin, no mei, nae halfwit, either An if ee say ah’m no’ a’ there, ah’ll boil intae a fever Deh say ah’m only half baked or no quite fuully din Nae madcap silly billy or toucheet like some yins, Nae batty loon or cuckoo goon whae’s lost and in a fog, Nae dum-p-lin’ thit’s wandert, or a barkin’ mad auld dog Deh say ah’m off ma rocker cos I like tae rock ‘n’ roll, As that wud be a shocker, dolly dimple, bless ma soul; Ah’m no’ b-b-b-bonkers - nae basket case, no’ yet, Ah still like a game o’ conkers, tho’ the plonkers get upset Bungalow Bob – there’s nowt up top – that’s what they ca’ some bams, The glaikit yins, the donnert souls, that get themsels in jams, Deh ca’ mei nutty or say that ah ca’ hink, Dey say that ah’m a dafty, an ah’ll no’ kick up a stink!
4.
Fookie 02:28
Puul the wool doon ower oor een and oo’ll jist sei right throw eet, Nae contemplaeshin’ needed, nor nae chow and chow and chow eet! At the faintest whiff o’ fanciful oo’ll ask ee jist what took ee, Away ee gan an’ boil yer heid an’ dinnae be sae fookie If oo find ee’re rumblet - what ee did an’ said was duff, Ee’ll be telt teh take a tummel tae yersel an’ that’s enough; Oo’ll find ee oot and sei throw onny tall tale that’s plain cookie If it’s half-baked, fer ower corny, unbelievable, it’s fookie Nae mitter how ee dress eet up, nae mitter how ee puut eet, Ee’ll be telt strite frae the hip, yer story disnae cut eet; A heid thet’s fuul o’ bummy bees ‘ll mair likely wun oor peety, But, if they lay eet oan ower thick, it makes yer teeth gan gritty. . . awfy gritty When stertin’ oot teh make their merk an’ actin’ like a rookie, Ah’d place a bet tae make a bob or twae wi’ ony bookie Ee could really be fund oot, when trying for some nookie Them wi’ their wits fuully intact will aye can spot a fookie Deh be sic a fookie, lad, oo jist deh ken what took ee, Dinnae be sae fookie, an’ oo’ll no a’ hev tae jouk ee! . . . deh be fookie, deh be sae fookie, jist deh be fookie, deh be fookie. . .
5.
Tawkin’ o’ thame that made their merk A’ big hitters, throw an’ throw, Ee’d hink there’d be songs aboot thum, But they hevnae been din ‘til now Let’s hev a look at oor heroes, An’ celebrate what they’ve din, Above an’ beyond each yin o’ thum went Ah’ll gie their stories a spin. . . Voice o’ rugby, Bill McLaren, fillin’ us a’ wi’ pride Raisin’ the bar, up an’ ower hei went, teh make us feel guid inside Octegenarian Helen Camerton - hert fer bigger than life, Helpin’ thame thet needed it maist an’ sufferin’ Multiple Strife They say Chay went “the wrong wei” as he battled the waves afloat, But, in Seeventy Yin, the Man O’ The Year did it right, back teh front, in his boat Twae for yin frae Otto Weiz in the glossy magazines turnin’ the ladies on wi’ style an’ twin sets fit for Queens Teh rock aroond the clock, first, ee hev teh fiind yer groove Johnny & The Roccos at their peak, didnae hev owt teh prove; Top Ten hits in Norway, oor Bob a hoosehold name, A’ the competeeshin’, man, was tame, man tame And, anither famed Hawick live wire, charged teh heed Doon Under Wi’ AC/DC at full tilt, Stevie Young played like thunder A day oot o’ Hawick is a wasted yin, as some o’ thum might say, But Smithy frae Soothfield traivelt fer, explorin’ by night an’ day; Sir Andra as some of thum kent um, couldnae bide on the bit ony wei Hei sported a pair o’ itchy feet - a zoologist hei was tae Henry Scott the bravest Major, was the “Hero o’ Quebec, Hei led his men wi’ valour, an’ a flourish o’ what-the-heck; Hei beat the French at their ain game an’ celebrated wi’ flair, Plantin’ a flag on the city wa’s - “Hawick for ever,” hei declared Wullie Knox sterted oot as a fermer, but his poetry made um his name, Wi’ fans like Abraham Lincoln, thae verses won him his fame Hugh Rennie McGurk, a runaway champ, compeetin’ like nae ither seen, Twae hunder and sixty medals won, the man was a sportin’ machine! Hei ran circles aroond the rest, an’ Cumberland wrestled thum a’ Boxed in the ring with the very best, wunnin’ mony awards for his wa’ Leather-bound and saddled teh tame where the TT racers roar, ‘Hizzy’ excelled as fans a’ yelled - the hero they adored But afore hei won his glory, anither yin triumphed at hame, Back in his day Jimmie Guthrie tae, was right at the top o’ his game Thame thet wur pushin’ pedals, could gan like the clappers an’a’ The first Scot tae feeneesh Tour de France, Ken Laidlaw held us in awe; Hei took his bike on that gruelling hike, great peaks teh climb wi’ the pack, An’ efter showin’ us how it was din, got a great Hawick welcome back. . .
6.
If somehin’s “next teh nihin” it’s real cheap, “In a pickle,” ee’ve got trouble by the heap; Insteed o’ shut up, say “gie’d a bun,” If ee get a big surprise, it’s “oh, ya whun!” In the kitchen if ee’re doon on yer hunkers, That’s crouchin’ by the sink under the bunker Ca’ get up, it’s yissless an’ yer beat Hev yersel a laugh – deh stert teh greet Ony yin thet’s “bageet” is stuffed fu, “Streit-forrit” means it’s straight an’ true; Tae tell thum no, there’s “wull a whuff,” An’ then again, just “nut” wud be enough, If ee skelp yer face an sport a big black e’e, It’s a “keeker” that ee hev for a’ teh sei; Jingel-jointeet an’ yer body’s bendy, “teesh” is awfy awfy plush or trendy, A pong or somehin’ stinky, that’s a “guff,” A big heid that’s a “tadger,” hinks hei’s tough; If ee’re feelin’ “yaised” ee’re bein’ used When ee end up “foamin’,” ee’ll be “roosed,” “Deh let dab” means tae keep it teh yersel, At “twal toonty” that’s twenty efter twelve; “A’ ower the bit” is scattered fer an’ wide, Tae “mitter” meanss it matters (wi’ some pride), “Hardly credit eet” – when it’s beyond belief, And “get shot o’d” when ee gie it a’ a heave; Mean wi’ yer money - they ca’ ee awfy tight An, “seffy nin” aye comes afore the night, When ee’ve hed a fright ee got an “awfy gliff” It’s “hailed” if a ba’s stuck up on the “rif,” Ee’re really “hard-up” when ee’re feelin’ ill, When ee end up “raevelt,” that’s worse still, Fair “nithert” when yer feet and hands get cauld, And “withert” when the wrinkles tell ee’re auld, It’s “platchin” if ee’re soaked through tae the skin ‘cos ee’re “shooders” wernae cloaked wi’ onyhin’, “Ill din tae” is when ee’re feelin’ really peaved A hairy oobit strips a cabbage o’ its leaves If ee tell a fib, oo a’ ken thet ee “lee,” Shears’ll help ee trim or “sned” a trei “Long-sleever,” is a bottled pint o’ beer, A “whussle” ee can blaw an’ make folk hear; “Fair strappit,” it’s a loan ee need, An “stoppit” when the traffic light’s at “reed”, “Fair stappit” when ee finnd yer belly’s fu’ “Oot o’ sorts” is when ee’re feelin’ kinna blue, It’s “stervation” when ee’re chitterin’ frae a freeze Ee’ll be “shilpit” if it’s “snell” an’ makes ee sneeze A “wesheen” fullly “wesheet” et the “stert” An “ern” ‘ll press the “claes” an’ hev ee lookin’ “smert” If ee’re “hankeet” then ee’re needin tae be freed If it’s maybe, say “ah hinksi,” if ee need How oo say’d an’ what oo caaed How oo say’d an’ what oo caaed How oo say’d an’ what oo caaed How oo say’d an’ what oo caaed (and repeat)
7.
Yince a year, there's some in Hawick whae like teh gan Jamaican, A tot o' rum topped up wi' milk, and twae or threi if they can! Songs will be sung and airms flung aroond the necks o' ithers, Some overdae the ritual - end up greetin' like their fithers Weeks aheed, teh fill the need, they order up the cases, This is the tipple guaranteed teh pit smiles on their faces; Pace yersel they'd caution, as wicer yins had tutored, Ee'll get the knack and ee'll bounce back if ee deh end up blootered Nae yow an' mei wi' cup o' tei, as mither fries the bacon, Oo sit and oo get merry as the mornin’ feast she's makin' Fife and drum play Teribus and horses hooves they clatter, Oo think back teh days gone by - the singin’, an' the patter Bairns cheer on the Cornet as they stand at gairden gates An oo recall great singers like Viv Sharp and Ronnie Tait; Jim Hill sang o' thae horsemen ridin' oot fower hunder strong, A streekit line painted sae fine, oo a' felt where oo belonged
8.
When oo were growin' up as kids, Joy filled a’hin’ thet oo did Oo looked in deep, off wi' the lid, Oo hed some laughs, a'hin' was guid There were lots o’ fun and games, Ootside oor hames oo yaised oor brains Imagination gie'd us gains Oo'd nae need for Hornby trains Born tae be free, Wattie and mei Wud hike the hills and clim the treis Gei often oo wud skin oor kneis, But oo'd aye jist bounce back, ee sei, Wattie an' mei aye sported weel-skint kneis! Ah’m mindin’ the smile, mindin’ the style, Words an’ thoughts thet stick oot by a mile Original thinker – yin o’ a kind, An’ it a’ came frae yeh singel mind Wattie Robson, was a guid auld freend o’ mine! Wattie an' mei oo played in bands, When hei held moothie in his hands, The bluesy soond hei made was grand, An' hei wud dae the odd handstand, Hei wud make up his ain words, Oo laughed and laughed they were absurd, When hei grew up hei charmed the birds Wi' strangest conversations, heard, Wi’ Mmmpapeeps he yaised to pei For pints o' beer when oot tae play In pubs he took his fiddle tae, Coupage supped throughoot the day, Hei wud sup unleeded tae, as hei fiddled that Wattie wei Ah’m mindin’ the smile, mindin’ the style, Words an’ thoughts thet stick oot by a mile Original thinker – yin o’ a kind, An’ it a’ came frae yeh singel mind Wattie Robson, was a guid auld freend o’ mine! Mischief never fer away, Yin day when playin’ bombs away, Oo made the king o' bangers - hey It fairly shook the hooses, eh? What a blast, the rocks flew past Oor heids sae fast, the reek was vast, Oor expectations were surpassed When folks came oot, they were aghast, There was a stink, the smoke was pink, Oo could hev ended in the clink, But oo baith scarpered wi' a wink, Athoot detection, in a blink, . . .maybe oo should hev seen a shrink, when oo shook the grund that day. It worked, a'right gie'd us a fright, when it blew the grund away What happened there, the neebors asked, an’ whae did that, the day? Off on adventures every singel day Twae rough Diamonds buskin' it in the band Magic Wattie and his daft magic words
9.
It wud be a scunner If yer big gob din a rinner An’ ee messed up in a yinner It’d be a bummer, nihin’ could be dummer a stinker – what a hummer Deh land yersel in hot witter Or hink it disnae mitter An’ end up feelin’ a’ bitter Deh live teh regret eet, Aipple cairt, upset eet Never teh forget eet. . . No o o o o o o o . . . Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody Deh bug onybody An’ oo’ll a’ be fine!
10.
The gairden shed o’ days gone now, could alsue be a gang hut tae, And when there was a gang o’ us, the place where oo could play Graham’s Dad’s hut sat proodly right at the end o’ oor ain patch The gairdens o’ Burnfit were oor stompin’ grund, OK Hei bade 'roond in Ruberslaw Road and mei in Fraser Avenue, An’ that’s how the pair o’ oo, got joined up for the game Ideas better than maist o’ thum, better by fer an nae mistake True adventures by twae rakes, an’ nane o thum were tame When oo were aboot twal year auld, puffin’ on some Anchor fags In Graham’s dad’s Gairden hut, on that rainy day Oo baith wantit teh take a trek - intae Alfie Mairchbanks Yaird Sei what hei’d jist got in, thet oo could take away Alfie bought jist onyhin, thet hei could offer teh sell for mair An’ this day took delivery o’ hings oor airmy’d yaised Oo hed tae hev some for oorsel, couldna wait teh get back hame Plans were fleein’ through oor brains, anticipation raised A Morse Code kei still in its box, but hei only hed jist yin Oo’d needed a saicend yin afore oo could stert teh play But oo got twae earphones tae, broon bakelite and set teh gan Yince oo hed hooked them baith up - teh talk tho’ fer away Oor back gairdens were back-teh-back, it needed a fair stretch of wire Connectin’ thae walky-talky hings frae his hoose across the wei What fun oo hed that summer’s night - up late bletherin’ on an’ on Planning fresh adventures, an’ what oo’d dae next day Anither trip tae Mairchbanks Yaird, lookin’ for some sets o’ wheels Yins thet yince hed been on prams, pushin’ the bairns aroond Coach-built beauts like Silver Cross - gei near indestructible Wud gi’e yer racer a better chance - as ee hurtled doon Oo hed anither hidey-hole - right unnerneath the slates, Up on ma attic rafters - an’ lit by caunle light Ma brother, level-heided Jack - stuck his heid up through the hatch Said oo could burn the hoose doon, it wusnae awfy bright Snuff thae caunles oot, hei said, deh ever play wi’ naked flames Then ee’l no baith get the blame for settin’ the place ahaud, Best if baith the pair o’ ee, get yer bums back doon thae stairs So oo can keep oor een on ee, yer mithers wud be glad Oo retreated teh the gairden shed, where at least oo’d get some peace Felt hei was gangin’ up on oo, an’ sic a muckle nag, Pondered some fresh mitters there, plannin’ for the morn’s more, Serious contemplation’, puffin’ on an Anchor fag
11.
Way back in the eiteen hunners an’ long afore their time, Kinly Stick an’ Heather Jock when thae were baith in their prime; Poachin’ onyhin’ ee wanted, rabbit, deer an’ salmon tae, It was, they insisteet, birthright an’ no’ a crime When on land owned by the gentry, it wud make a richer prize, Takin’ frae ablow their noses, brazen an’ wi’ nae disguise; English lairds sent raidin’ pairties ower the Border plunderin’ An’ oo’d return the favour, gie’n thum a big surprise Yeh big gang up Bortiff wei, some said they wur toonty-strong, Lawless an’ oot o’ order, wudnae keep oan gan ower long, A constable whae’d roond thum up, took a posse oot wi’ um, Nae mair sheep wud they be roastin by the campfire singin’ songs A pal ah went tae schuil wi’ back in nineteen sixty twae, Hei wus as guid as ony, kent the local lay-oot tae, Salmon and bonnie sea troot, pulled frae rivers, burns ana’ Henry was yin o’ ma heroes, poachin’ baith by nicht an’ day Spine tinglin’ adventures chased by bailiffs an’ the cops, The cleek an’ stick hei maistered, his stories were the tops; Yince while oot by moonlicht, waders richt up tae his chest, Boys in blue investigatin’ caused his pair hert tae stop Hei clambert oot with sic a struggle, curled umsel aroond a trei, As they shone their torches, hopin’ hei, they wudna sei; Then they gied um quite a shocker – hei couldna believe his een, Thae Bobbies drapt intae the witter, hooked a fish and went their wei! Yince a’ ower The Borders, folk thowt thet eet was fine Tae take hame a big fresh fishy, athoot yaisin’ rod an’ line; Now thae fish are mair portecteet, in the witter, free tae soom, But, oor poachin’ days are ower – an’ some feel that’s sic a crime!
12.
Yokatolla 04:00
Condeeshins set, a' ower the toon, the sledges they came oot, And every slippery slope there was, right on that slope oo'd shoot; They thundered doon path, road and hill wi' fearless bairns aboard, Like a helter skelter streitened oot, and off on it oo roared Wi’ sledges lashed thegither tight teh form a Yokatolla, Eite or ten wud ride that thing as oo tried tae control her; Oo'd get some bumps and finggers snecked, sometimes a bloodied schnozzle, Keen teh hev anither go, back up the hill oo'd jostle Even when catastrophe wud stop us fir a wee while, The braver yins wud keep oan gan, wi a spot o' their ain freestyle; A crash that was a bad yin wud hev ee hinkin' twice, Them thit didnae bide aboard jist hed teh pei the price Sledges thet were made wi’ pride by joiners in the toon, Great dauds o' wud and built teh lest frae muckle trees were hewn; Steel runners din by blacksmiths wud glisten in the sun, As ee hauled them up the hill again teh stert anither run There was a slope at Fairhurst Drive, doon the the railway line, A Yokatolla set off there - at first a'hin' was fine; But near the fit, eet kept oan gan an' crashed intae a post, Pare Billy Renwick broke his leg, a fate oo a' feared most On Vertish Hill they'd sledge a'day and efter derk a'na’, Each yin o' thum determined to make yaise o' the snaw; When mum and dad came for their bairns, oo'd pul their leg an' say: "Try frozen Wulliestruther, they went oan the ice teh play!" Across the toon and countryside that rumblin' resonated As Yokatollas hurtled doon afore the saut oo hated Youngsters in their hunners, wi’ scarves and gloves weel yaised, Oot for some fun in wunter time, and some of it half-crazed Frae Wulton Dean and Burnfit tae Weensland's Half Moon Field Toboggans clattered on the ice and cheery yelps were squealed; In Wellington Street and Whiteauff Road and Dickson Street an'a' Thae bairns a' came oot in their droves, prayin' "please, deh let eet thaw”
13.
Balaclava 01:22
14.
Ya Tondo 02:28
Jist yeh win wud warrant yin, If somehin’ makes ee stert tae grin It sterts off weel when ee begin That first plunge when wild soomin’ If somehin’ gi’es ee a shock, Or ee hev teh take a knock When guid fortune comes tae dock Or the band is really rockin’ Jist yin big scary fright In the middle o’ the night Or it could be a big delight Fer better than a dunt or scunner When suddenly ee stert winnin’ They get caught when they’ve been sinnin’ When yer heid, it sterts spinnin’ Ower somehin’ ee’ve din, an’. . . Ee feel really guid inside Haud yer heid up wi’ some pride, Ee succeed when e’r ee tried, That happiness sets ee off greetin’ When ee get a big surprise An’ yer lows turn intae highs It seems the limit’s in the skies The tem-per-a-ture sterts risin’ The tem-per-a-ture sterts risin’ The tem-per-a-ture sterts risin’ Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, That’s when you hear them say Ya Tondo Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, Ya Tondo, That’s when you hear them cry Ya Tondo
15.
Yella Yorlin 04:40
Hev ee heard the Yella Yorlin - “a wee bit of breed - and nae cheese” please, The hoolet howl in the early mornin’ - a ful dawn chorus frae the tops o’ the trees? The song o’ the syke as it soars heeven-ward, a Whaup in the valley’s evocative cry Wild Geese here for their wunter holidays, skeins like arra heids crossin’ the sky Hev ee peched tae the croon o’ Ruberslaw, camped under canvas in Harden Glen Plunged in the pools at the Caddroun Pots, seen the panoramas frae Penchrise Pen Pulled a picnic frae a Liddelsdale bag or bathed in the witter at Sundhope Fa’s Hiked teh the top o’ the Mintae Crags, been wowed by Hermitage Castle’s wa’s? Honeysuckle summer in the Ettrick Valley, the scent o’ Yarra frae the meadaes there A welcome rest up at at Tushielaw, walked the hills ‘til yer legs were sair A rideoot for yer Mosstrooper’s badge, hevin’ a guid blether wi’ Ian or Madge Savourin’ some o’ granny’s hame cookin’ or a slice o’ Copshie’s Barley Fadge At The Snoot, there lived a clever fella and hei could charm a’ the animals there When hei stepped oot they’d a’ gether roond, a Weg, doggy woggy sat by his chair Hei cried Spiderbirds, the hens turned raucous, a cat wud aye heed a haut yow praukus Bobby Thomson, nae Dopey Dokus, aye hed wunderfu’ hings teh share Now, some might find this shockin’ - keep that teh yersel, ah can hear thum cry On early encoonters wi’ nylon stockins, an’ that first touch o’ the milky white thigh Teen years fumblin’ in atween rockin’ - awkward fails an’ determined tries An’ pittin’ up wi’ yer pals mockin’ if a wily lass cut ee doon tae size Yella yorlin, yorlin away, Yella yorlin, yorlin away, Yella yorlin, yorlin away, Yella yorlin, yorlin awaaaaay
16.
Ah’d like tae sei the back o’d Sei the hint end true Oor a’ gettin seek o’d Scunnered throw and throw Oo’ve a’ hed enough o’d Seek teh the back teeth ah’d say Covid changed oor habits Some no in a guid wei Deh like tae look ower fer aheed An’ furrowed brows reveal Payback for the wei oo treat this world’ll Be makin’ us sweat as weel If ee jist ca’ take ony mair, Then turn it on its heid, Stert steppin’ oot, wi’ confidence, Or oo might as weel be deid! Them thet bide mair positive Aboot what can be din Can cairy quite a charge thumsels, jist dinnae accept a’hin’ open-mindeet, quizzical, independent in their wei, Raisin’ awkward questions, An’ maybe eyebroos tae Lookin’ for alternatives Tae sei where they might gan A new path teh a better wei, that wud make a guid plan When ee fiind the right yin Deh keep it tae yersel, Jump up and doon and tell the world - It’s a’right teh yell!
17.
Ah’ve a place inside ma heid, Or maybe tucked ahint ma hert Where the guid memories a’ need Hev been kept right frae the stert A’ thame thet ah’ve held sae dear Hings they said and how they were It’s how ah’ve kept thum near No’ lost in time and way oot fer It’s true ee should feel blessed If ee’ve hed a right guid life, Filled wi’ wonder an’ the best Maist o’d shared in love wi’ a guid wife Some o’d oot pit doon tae luck An some frae happenstance, Connections, fate an’ freendships struck Maist sae meant and no’ by chance
18.
Oo'll a' get there in the end, an' feelin' quite contentit, Better than bein' up the creek an' feelin' a' dementit! Deh worry, then, it's sic a waste, dae'd as if ee meant it, Ee deh need mei tae tell ee this ah'm share that ee a' kent it If ee eat food fresh, breathe in guid air Walk in the hills and wuds some mair, Sometimes wi’ baith feet jist bare Treat a’body like ee care, Gi’e the pairest their fair share, A bob or twae thet ee can spare An’ daed as if ee meant it A yince hed money in ma pooch until a' went an' spent it, A fund a flat in Buccleuch Street and a jist hed tae rent it; Frae that wundae, I spied Bren, she blew mind and bent it, Then an arra pierced my hert - think Cupid must hev sent it! (Boing Zebedee sound) Boing, ticky, tick, ticky, tick, ticky ticky

about

A confession right at the start: I am not a natural Hawick speaker, more a mongrel that spouts forth in a mixed-experience whatever-fits-and-feels-natural way when speaking in ma ain tongue.
Tawkin’ Haaick disnae come easy to me; I know the words and phrases I learned to love when delivered with a birth-given accent that’s as rich and deep in character as mum’s Christmas Pud.
No attempt at mimicking, therefore, just my own and, no doubt imperfect, homage teh the auld tongue.
I grew up in the town and was drawn to individuals who had a strong sense of the ridiculous or nonsensical. None of them might have been described as “intelligent” in that way that gives us Star Pupils, but when you have been blessed with that kind of thinking that brings with it a freedom of expression and slightly off-kilter view of life, that is the kind of bright mind that attracted me.
Then, outside influences make themselves known, from Lewis Carroll, Spike Milligan and John Lennon to The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band, Ivor Cutler, George Melly and Zappa - and that all helps to shape your own eventuality.
When I heard that great man, Melly recite Kurt Schwitters’ Dada masterpiece, and tell his amazing story about how the poem had saved his life when he was trapped in an back alley and threatened by thugs, it was almost like one big exclamation mark had landed at my feet.
This, I thought, is stuff that matters . . . AND, he had played in Mick Mulligan’s Magnolia Jazz Band!
Two of those I grew to admire for all of those kind of reasons, Wattie Robson and Roy ‘Big Sid’ Cairns, were among my closest teenage pals. Another original thinker was Derek ‘Dazmo’ Algie. We all laughed at the same stuff. Laughing is good medicine.
Wattie was a fan of Spike Jones & The City Slickers, and got great joy from pronouncing folks’ names back to front AND making up his own words for things.
Big Sid invented crazy contraptions and once wrote a little song that went like this:
“When you’re feeling lowdown or that you’re in a trance, jump into a dustbin and dance!”
I was even happier still when, a little later in life, I got the chance to add the one and only Gifford Lees into our gang of kindred spirits. He liked The Goons too – and the music of George Melly, and Big Bill Broonzy. I felt so privileged to know him – it was life changing for a lad who was still feeling around for the right direction in life. Gifford steered me on a good course.
This first one is called Gan Yer Dinger as that very neatly sums up the whole process – from the surprise of each new song or tune’s arrival, to the fun bit of pulling it all together in the studio – there was no shortage of energetic enthusiasm and boisterous gusto!
The songs were written in a way that attempts to celebrate the auld Hawick tongue, albeit, delivered by a voice that stood no chance of mastering the earthy tone required.
The purists will more than likely scoff. Hand on heart, that distinctive Hawick accent is a gift that only comes with birth. I’m a Souter, and in Selkirk, it’s more a general Borders lilt that you’ll hear.
There was nae attempt, therefore, to mimic the real thing.
But, having spent twenty years living in the town from 1953 to the early ‘70s, I heard the Hawick tongue used with pride, and picked up on many o’ the words, sayings and phrases recalled in the material here.
My Cousin Shirley, was a Teri as “died in the wull an’ Hawick as eet gets.”
As I recalled in my book, ‘There’s Gold In Them Thar Hills,’ Shirley spoke “Broaed Haaick” and celebrated her Hawickness nae mitter whae wus listenin’. There were never any concessions; even if she'd been addressing The Hoose o’ Lords, the rich essence of what was bein’ telt wud still hev been delivered "fuull tilt" ripe, rich and flavoursome.
Hawick has had some fine custodians o’ the Mither tongue, and I’m grateful to twae o’ the best – Madge Elliott and Ian Landles - for inspiring an enthusiastic observer, and I give them a mention in the song, Yella Yorlin tae merk ma appreciation. Douglas Scott’s “A Hawick Word Book,” which can be accessed online, was also invaluable!
Elsewhere it will be apparent that one of the main reasons for embarking on the project was to celebrate one of Hawick’s true gems, my very sadly missed old chum, Wattie Robson. Wattie, as those who knew him will fondly recall, loved words for the sound of them and made his own up if he felt he could do better. One of the reasons for celebrating some of the old words and phrases, was that I too, love how they sound. The language formed such a strong impression during the years that I lived and worked in the town, that, even as an interloper, they stayed with me and always make me smile.
This collection hasn’t been recorded in a clinically polished way to present a finished product that might feel as if it had been sterilised by gadgetry. Just like my voice which is time-worn and shows it, we happily went for an alive-an-kickin’ feel to make it more as if some of my best musician chums turned up and were happy to sit in and play along, and I accept (and actually like) the occasional imperfection. On one or two of the tracks, I’m doing it all myself, and what fun that was, encouraged, of course, by engineer and co-producer Kaiser George Miller, in his KGM Studios in Glasgow, where so much great music is being produced on a weekly basis. I salute him! The entire project was approached on an looser unplanned, freestyle basis and that experience fairly re-energised my life. Some days, we just said let’s see what happens.
The splendid image we've used for the front cover is the work of accomplished Glasgow photographer, Peter Lafferty.
The first time I wrote a song that I thought might one day be recorded was in 1968 but it wasn’t until four years later that I actually wrote and recorded two demo tracks with the band, Lordy.
This is my second attempt. It took a while. Here, then, from my dustbin is my dance.
It was either Wattie Robson or Big Sid who made up a sign-off that caught on a bit – “cheerimcbrindlingspout,” they’d say, or, occasionally clipped to just “cheerimcbrindler.”
I know it caught on as my mum adopted it, with her own abbreviation: “Cheerimcbrind,” she’d say, and aye with a warm smile.
All I wish to achieve from this project, other than preserving some things that are important to me, is to hopefully sell enough units to be able to finance the commissioning of a public bench to be made in Wattie’s honour so that future generations will be reminded of a great character who was loved by so many.

"Well, THIS might well take off!" - Iain Anderson, BBC Radio Scotland

"A welcome celebration of the town's rich, spoken heritage" - Duncan Taylor, The Hawick Paper

"It's a stoater!" - Hugh Taylor, Celtic Music Radio

“Pure madness in the raw but brilliant in equal measure” – John Howden

“That galloping gallumphery has put my Gibberdigosh Gland into a spasm. Henks!” – Alan McAuley

“It’s Ivor Cutler meets John Lee Hooker” – Kaiser George

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released March 8, 2024

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